my forever and always

Lyfe is so much better now when i hv him  around, by my side, always. 

You know the first time i talked to him when i was in form 3, and we were a bit close ah time tu. Tapi time form 3 kot sumpah cam bdk bdk. Pastu kitorang gaduh teruk. Gaduh teruk sampai gua nangis pastu dia blah cmtu je, gua tengah nangis tu sorang sorang. -.-

2 years of not talking i mean like seriously doh. Just to be honest to everyone, i hate him through out the two years of schooling. I hate him so much, even words cant describe how i struggle to go to school everyday, and seeing his face every morning and... yes dia ketua pengawas. Masa kena umum kat perhimpunan first day of 2013 yang dia head prefect, i was like..... mati lah aku how to deal with this mamat poyo masyaAllah sampai nak quit jd pengawas ah gentle haha.

Practically every meeting prefect i skipped, bcs i just cant see his face. His annoyingness (time tu ah). Everyone knows how much i hate him, i literally hate him sbb dia terlalu poyo ah menggelabah semua ada. Even all my classmates mcm tahu how much i dont like him. Hahahaha. 

But we didnt talked that much. Not even saying hi when we bumped into each other. Omg kereknya. Sbb memang gentle dia kerek. 

Tuptup hari graduasi, Cikgu Anis suruh kitorang nyanyi sama sama. Dengan dia. And i was likeeeeee i refused so bad till i cried to haziqah haha. So yes, kitorang nyanyi. Imagine ah nyanyi dengan musuh sendiri hahahahahahhaahahhaah time practice tk pernah bercakap pun ok. Gila hengko. Time jamuan pengawas ada jgk tercakap dengan dia..... hehe. Pastu i kena paksa menari chicken dance kt stage and choose a partner. idk why but everyones shouting his name like "fikri fikri! pilih fikri!" But i did not choose him, obviously man. hehe 

After spm ends, i mean school ends, we work at the same place hm no no, dia kerja tutti frutti and i worked at tropicana as so you guys knoww tehee. Tapi the shop is as the same floor so we basically met everyday. Every freaking day weh. That one thing of him that makes me go "awh" everyday is... he treated me so well eventhough i am not his girlfriend yet but he belanja makan everyday sampai makan dua kali sehari. kat tempat kerja. cam even im at my lowest then he directly came to Tropicana Life and tny mcm2. 

This is beyond my expectation tho. I didnt expect that hate would turn into love :) 

We had so many fights before this, we hated each other since 2 yrs ago. 

Pastu hari tu gelak gelak blk bila igt zaman sekolah. 

"saya benci awak sangat dulu. yela menggelabah sangat. suka pandang orang kerek kerek" -saya

"mana ada sayang. since sekolah lagi sy dah suka gila kat awak tapi jgn tgk pada muka, tgk pada hati" - fikri

"masa kena nyanyi time graduasi dgn awak, saya lah orang plg happy dalam dunia" - fikri 

hm there goes his jiwangness come out. ye, dia jiwang terox haha. 

Aku tahu ramai tk suka.. i did read some of others' tweets. Taktahu kenapa ramai sgt bash when we posted any photos of ours. Aku tk kacau org pun :( 

Yes. I love you, Fikri Azhar. 

Jauh

Allahu. Allahuakbar. 

Amira aina, sedarlah kau hanya seorang hamba na. Kau hamba. Jangan kau bongkak denganNya aina. Jangan kau sombong aina. 

Allahuakbar. 

Sungguh, aku rasa jauh betul dengan pencipta aku sendiri. 

Ampunkan aku ya Allah. Aku leka dengan semua perkara duniawi ini ya Allah. Aku leka. Aku lupakan Engkau ya Allah. Ampunkan aku ya Allah. Ampunkan segala dosaku ya Allah. Ampunkan aku :'( 

Aku lemah. Kuatkan imanku ya Allah. Ampunkan aku ya Allah. Jauhkan aku dari segala seksa api neraka ya Allah. Tempatkan ku di syurga mu yang indah ya Allah. Ampunkan aku ya Allah. Ampunkan aku :'( 

Guys, 

you'll never know i feel right now. i miss my Allah, i miss my Rasulullah :'( this feel... undescribable. 

with my uncountable sins, really made me cry. really though. i just can explain in words. 

Oh Allah, forgive me. Forgive me :'(( 

p/s: sorry if you guys think i wanna show you how pious i am. i just feel so sinful. and taknak tweet nanti org ckp bajet. 

takleh ngeluh.

Assalamualaikum. 

So this post maybe a lil bit emotional sbb..... just read ok. 

Like i hv 2 sisters yg already married. Which is kaklong and kak icha; both dh kahwin :-) 

And kaklong ade sorg anak perempuan nama dia Safiyya Auni. 

And kak icha pun ada anak perempuan nama dia Dian. 

I love both! I love them so much. 

And this is the ever first time i love baby that much. I never like babies or kids but theyre my nieces so of course weh! Rasa mcm comel sgt. 

The thing is.. kaklong sakit :( maybe she cant give birth anymore. Kaklong slalu demam. Slalu gila. 

Dian pula, ade probs with her kaki. Bru je pasang spica for 6 weeks. Kesian sgt ya Allah. Google la spica tu apa kalo xtahu.

Kak icha pula baru je lps gugur. And i saw her wall post on fb sedih sgt. 

"janin masih lagi dlm perut ummi. rehatlah dulu sebelum ummi mengucapkan selamat tinggal" 

Tak ke sedih tu?! I just cant.. my sister tu. How can i stand to see her in pain. sabar kak long and kak icha. I love u both.

Abah pula.. 

Mcm biasa lah. Hati dia bengkak. Sbb dia selalu sgt susah hati. Abah tlg la jgn mcmni bah. Kitorg nak sgt abh ade sentiasa ngn kitorg. Abah kuat kan bah. 

Mak pun sakit.. tp mak tk merungut. 

Mak is always the best. Mak selalu xnak pg hosp sbb xnak sshkan kitorg. Mak :(

This is hard ya Allah. I want to see my family back to the normal again ya Allah. I miss the old us. Rindu nak pergi vacation sama sama (semua ada tanpa kecuali) 

Skrg masing masing dah jauh. Masing masing tgh susah hati. Masing masing ada masalah. 

Yah kat damansara. Am kat sarawak. Kaklong and kak icha duduk rmh sendiri. Haih ya Allah. Ena rindu "kita" yg dulu :'( Ya Allah.... 

tropicana life huh?

Hello assalamualaikum! 

Its 9th january 2014 and all i can say is alhamdulillah, thank you to Allah, praise be to Allah. I am really thankful for what i have rite now. Syukur. 

Just so you know, i am currently working at Tropicana Life nilai.

And today is my 4th day of working. Alhamdulillah everything went well and i love my job. Really do. Boss dia baik, my workmate pun baik walaupun rempit but baik ah. hahaha 

Lepastu depan kedai tropicana ada my schoolmate, sebelah pulak ade syada and fikri which also my schoolmate. So memang i feel secure to work there! Kalau nak lunch ke bosan ke, i have them to teman me ehehehhe. Memang tk buat ape ah just lipat baju dlm few helai, sbb customer yg masuk ade ah dlm 10 orang per day ahahah and my fav part is ada wifi so i can watch runningman for the entire day. Alhamdulillah! :')

1st jan 2014

Hello! Happy new year everyone! Its alwedi 2014, how time flies! I am 18 now and i am so excited haha. May the year filled with His blessings. 

Ya Allah thank you for every single thing i had last year (which was yesterday haha). Problems come and go, but yet i still have the chances to still alive and breathe happily! Thank you for still keeping my family beside me, thanks for giving them the chance to live in this new year same just like me! 

kadang kadang emo. serious. rasa mcm malam malam ni best search pasal religious things. yang buat aku sedar, betapa jauhnya aku dengan pencipta. serious ah. i am not trying to show how pious i am, seriously not. aku tak alim doh. tapi cam bila dh Allah kurniakan otak ni, aku cuba try jadi org yg berguna sikit ah. 

One of biggest thing yg aku try nak buat; try to not mencarut hahahaha yknow like bodoh bangang tu mcm dh lali with the tounge. i mean yknow. those unnecessary words??? maybe i should stop. and try to be a better muslimah instead. kita cuba la. Allah yg tentukan. hee 

So i activate my fb acc just now just for fun just to see how stupid i was back then! nyeh nyeh it is such a shameful to see all the pictures of mine, not wearing tudung pastu rambut minyak minyak omg i just cant. i was so comot, till now pun. 

and the saddest part i could say here is, i re-read our old coversations (comments and IM) and i suddenly cried for some reasons. 

it was sad to know that our friendship ruined just bcs of nothing :( 

sedih doh :( 

dia macam rindu dye lain macam sbb tk contact sbb tktau sbb ape :( 

serious ah. maybe awak tk igt saya dah haha nangis. tapi duh saya igt everything. kenapa ah. dah 2014 aku still sama lagi tulis pasal bende ni kt blog dr dulu kot. its okay. if Allah fated us to be this way, i'll be fineee. i'll be fine heh :)  

two hearts.

So yeah, 

I shouldve stop complaining how my lifes spent, things went not that well but arent that bad. Some shits happened and then comes a rainbow. Shits are probably the lessons that need to be learned. Without pains, theres no gain. But however, i need to take a moment and thank to Allah for giving me the best people, yet love me for who i am; my dearest family. 

The ones that i care the most, the ones that taking care of me since i was a baby. The ones that accept all my flaws wihout any complains and the best part is, they stay. I love u korang. 

But at some part, i feel so empty. Like, u feel like theres a hole in yr heart and need to be filled with something. 

You know living as a single girl isnt that bad, cause freedom is way how u rocked ur world. But i gotta say, i felt so envy how i opened my instagram and saw like most of the girls that i followed, went out with the special ones. spending their holidays together happily gosh i am too jealous ahah i sound so desperate omg. 

But just to be clear, theres a reason why i rasa that way. 

Its hard to love that one person who doesnt love u back. He seems does not know my existance pun. He seems super hate me after i wc him. Its hard tho. (rough times konon). You know u wont get his love but all u can do is simply nothing. Rasa mcm unwanted gila, u get my point rite? Maybe ive been terbiasa ada someone beside everytime i am having my rough times kan which were my friends when i was in highschool. But skrg, this stupid loneliness gives me so much hopes towards everything. haih. 

I literally need to get over these feelings away, these bad feelings!

But i told myself everytime i reached that limit, whre i cried after all. I told myself, Allah wont gives you something precious easily. Cause something that comes easy, wont last. Something that comes last, is precious. And yes, theres a rainbow after hurricanes. Patience is all i need now. Gotta stop overthinking over everything. Let Allah do the rest. Just have faith in Him.

Stay strong aina. Bcs i know, theres still a person, that loves me for who i am and not who i want to be. Thank you Allah. 

tkde function

hi people. 

(sumpah rasa pointless + syok sendiri kalau update blog cause no one will read haha) 

so its been like a month since i finished my freakin sijil pelajaran malaysia haih tk caya pulak rasanya!!! bio was hard. tah, tkde yg senang kot semua mindfuck je.

but then, i feel nothing pun. to be exact, lifes after spm is not as exciting as what i expected tho. masa dulu i was planning to do these and those, hanging out ngn kawan sampai muntah la, layan movie sampai tertonggeng (yes i did!!!!!), ambik lesen la, kerja la and shopping etc etc. 

but at the time i finished my last paper until now..... all i do just tidur makan tidur makan layan movie kekadang hish i feel like so freakin lifeless doh. lagi 3 bulan nak terperap cmni. gila bhai >< 

i gotta say this, 

i miss my classmates. i really do. everyone mcm disappear cmtu je after this they'll go to plkn like wth. rindunya sia kat korang :(( rindu nak jerit nama bapak korang lol, nak kunci orang dlm kelas, nak bagi salam kt cikgu using nama penuh (contohnya selamat pagi puan wan hanina hanim binti wan ahmad) satu kelas bagi salam centu hahahaha, nak kacau haizat, nak kacau afifah, nak gossip with zika and yes nazrin these two both my gossip partner. oh and yes!! farhana.... mana lah dye hilang T__T 

i seriously need yguys back. weh.. rindu alahai. 

tp cam. dh lupe kot masing2 heh. 

so yes thats how i basically spent my day after finished school. nothing much hm. 

went to kajang last few weeks and sleepover at nina's it was a blast!! i finally meet my sekolah rendah and form one punya kawan. after 3 years of not meeting them haih suka suka hehe. tp dyorg tk excited mybe im the one who overly excited to meet them tho. 

dah goodnite x