hardest

so hi, this is sincerely from my heart. im not trying to seek any attention from anyone. random confess about how i rlly feel right now. 

assalamualaikum,

urm well, time flies. we are alrdy in ramadhan. the most precious month. and its july, which means spm is too near and it sucks. trial is just about a month, i guess. i dont know what i rlly feel right now. of course, i am scared. scared of getting bad marks. scared of getting scold by mom. and dad. but do i hv that enough time to recover all the things ive studied for 2 years, basically five years la. no, i dont. 

entahla. i rlly lack of self motivate. i need those motivate 24 jam. i dont even know what would i be in the future. whats my future? 

problems datang tk tentu masa. come and go. i am not that strong to face it alone. mcm berperang. aku tkleh sorg sorg. 

tak, aku bukan sedih atau menangis tiap tiap hari. but aku sendiri tk dpt nak ungkap kan dgn kata kata. maybe aku tak kuat. 

those feelings bila you see yr classmates rajin nak mampos dlm class and youre termenung and think "spm lambat lagi"

when you went home, and mak started marah marah and you buat tk kisah, lay in yr bed, scroll timeline kt twitter. 

when youre trying to do yr homework, and tk fhm, and tk reti buat, and fxcked up, mula lah pergi dapur and makan semua benda sbb nak hlgkan stress. yes, im that kind of person who loves to eat when i get mad or smthng. yes i am!!!! 

aku pon tktahu. 

whats with myself? setan dah hasut smpai hati dh gelap ke jadi mcm ni haha. even aswad, org plg kenal aku mcm cakap why i changed a lot. 

and my friends. "asal asik moodswing je"

im not sure if i can succeed or not. 

sebab hati dah gelap. and the point is, boleh ke berjaya dgn perangai negative berleluasa mcm ni. i couldnt find the cure how to solve this negative treatment yg dh meresap dlm badan. yg mcm, mcm mana aku nak berjaya ni weh. mcm bodos!!!!! 

spm, cepatnya awak datang. kenapa. kenapa cepat sgt time flies. cpt sangat sampai tk sempat nak cakap babai, yela bcs fly cpt sgt (tkde function). i dowwana end my my high school. i just dowwan. i dowwana saya goodbye to all my classmates, juniors and urm school? err no. 

spm, i want u to be over like now i mean now. 

*kan aku dah cakap, aku tk reti express kan perasaan in words.